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With Halloween just around the corner, are you looking for a way to make it the most entertaining ever?
Well, Halloween has been one of my favorite occasions since my childhood days. I still remember how my friends and I used to trick or treat during that time, wearing a Halloween-themed costume by my mom.
I used to help my parents set up a Halloween-themed room where I listened to spooky stories and had some of the most fun times with my siblings and friends. And now that I have become a mom, I do the same with my little one.
The highlights of those days were riddles and jokes. If you want to make this Halloween the best of all, I can share some ideas.
You can make Halloween-theme snacks, send your kids to trick-or-treat and arrange a Halloween theme game night where all your family members can sit together and have fun.
You can share spooky jokes to make your near and dear ones laugh out loud and make the most of the festivities.
Now, you don’t have to look elsewhere for Halloween jokes, as I have come up with the most exciting and hilarious jokes ever!
Table of Contents
The Best Halloween Jokes of all Time
Halloween is the time of the year that officially starts the season of festivals, with Christmas and New Year to follow.
And this is the time when kids and adults alike enjoy and have fun. This has led to numerous jokes about Halloween that are spooky and hilarious and make you roll on the floor laughing!
After all, no festival is complete without fun and laughter, right?
Here, I have made several sections and a list of Halloween jokes you can share with your favorite people during this time.
Random Hilarious Halloween Jokes
Are you planning a Halloween party for your friends and family? Do you want it to be a hit? How about you keep a jokes session after dinner?
Well, jokes are something we all love, no matter our age. And sharing jokes is one of the best ways to entertain people. Things can become all the more interesting when the jokes you share follow the theme.
Keeping that in mind, I have listed all the Halloween-themed jokes here. These are sure to make your loved ones have a great time laughing.
Read the following!
What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn?A cobweb.
What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?A coffin.
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?When you’re a mouse.
What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?A coffin break.
What kind of monster loves to disco?The boogieman.
Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?He was already stuffed.
Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?He had no guts.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?A plumpkin.
Are any Halloween monsters good at math?No unless you Count Dracula!
How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?With a pumpkin patch.
Why didn’t the zombie go to school?He felt rotten.
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?Because there are so many plots there.
What genre of music does a mummy like the best?Wrap!
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?The Dead Sea.
Why are zombies so hard to understand?They’re very crypt-ic.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink?Anything with boos.
What are a monster’s favorite pets?Creepy crawlies.
What did people say when the Headless Horseman started dating a zombie?He’s lost his head!
What is a mummy’s favorite sandwich?A head cheese wrap.
What’s in a ghost’s nose?Boo-gers.
What does a panda ghost eat?Bam-BOO!
What do ghosts use to do their makeup?Vanishing cream.
What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?Spook-hetti!
What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?“Spook when you’re spooken to.”
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?Spooktacles.
Why do female ghosts go on a diet?So they can keep their ghoulish figure.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?Mali-boo.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Why are ghosts so bad at lying?Because you can see right through them.
Puns are one of the most intelligent jokes, though not everybody understands them. It means you need to select your audience wisely while sharing puns.
Because if your audience doesn’t really get the puns, what’s the point of sharing, right?
In this section, I have listed some intelligent Halloween puns. They are witty, interesting, and so funny that they can make the dead laugh!
You can read them to your closest people or read them yourself to have a great time.
I’m looking for a boo that’s just my (blood) type.
Hope you’re feeling spook-tacular!
All the ghosts looked boo-tiful this Halloween.
I’m always creepin’ it real.
Screaming my way into Halloween.
You look a lot like the mummy of the year.
I have a bone to pick with all the skeletons tonight.
Halloween is the one time I’ll ask you to come as your aren’t.
Is it even Halloween if you didn’t get tricked at least once?
The vampire and his wife were love at first bite.
Make sure you tell the bunny to have a Hoppy Halloween!
Live, laugh, scare.
Howl you doing this Halloween?
Orange you glad you dressed up for Halloween?
Those costumes are scary good.
Eat, drink, trick.
You know what I like to say: bugs and hisses.
Have yourself the happiest of Hollow-weens!
Skeletons don’t have the guts to dress up as anything for Halloween.
All tricks, no treats.
This Halloween is going to be absolutely fang-tastic!
A cutie that’s a little spooky.
Happy Halloween to my Hallow-queen.
You’re my fiend for life.
My costume is eerie-sistible.
Having a howling good time!
Fangs for the memories.
Time to get this party startled!
Knock-Knock Halloween Jokes
I have told this several times in many other articles, and I’m telling you again that knock-knock jokes are one of my favorites. They are simple, easy to remember, and can make even the youngest member of your family giggle.
What I like the most about these jokes is that they are highly engaging. You start with “knock-knock,” and after a series of questions and answers with your audience, when you say the last line, they burst into laughter!
And there are so many knock-knock jokes that are Halloween-themed. Read on to get your hands on them.
Knock, knock.Minnie people love Halloween.”
Knock, knock.Ivana suck your blood!
Knock, knock.Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?
Knock, knock.Getyur fangs outta my neck!
Knock, knock.Ooze that monster over there?
Knock, knock.Fangs for letting me in!
Knock, knock.Orange you glad it’s Halloween!
Knock, knock.Butter open quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you!
Knock, knock.Don’t cry! I’m just a Halloween trick or treater!
Knock, knock.Doughnut worry it is just a Halloween joke!
Knock, knock.Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
Ice cream who?
Knock, knock.Howie gonna hide this dead body?
Knock, knock.Dishes a very Halloween bad joke!
Knock, knock.Anakin I get some candy, please?
Knock, knock.Lettuce try again next Halloween!
Knock, knock.Gladys Halloween.
Knock, knock.Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?
Knock, knock.Tyson garlic around your neck to ward off vampires!
Knock, knock!Harry monster coming to get you.
Halloween Jokes About Ghosts
“Did you know why the ghost crossed the road? Well, he wanted to return from the other side.”
Didn’t this joke bring a smile to your face?
And that is what jokes are for. They make you laugh and bring you to a greater mood, which is needed during the festivities of Halloween.
I don’t know about you, but I believe in ghosts. They are scary and can send a chill down your spine if you experience their existence.
But, as I’m here to make you laugh and not scare you, I have added some hilarious ghost jokes to this section.
What’s a ghost’s favorite makeup to wear?Mas-scare-a!
What did the ghost buy at the bar?Boos!
What’s a ghost with a broken leg called?A hoblin goblin.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride?A night-mare.
Who did the ghost take to prom?A ghoul-friend!
How does a ghost unlock a door?With a spoo-key.
Where do ghosts buy their clothes?At a boo-tique!
Why are ghosts and demons so close?Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
What room does a ghost not need in a house?A living room.
Why do ghosts love elevators?It lifts their spirits.
Why didn’t the ghost dance at the party?He had no body to dance with.
What position do ghosts play on the field?Ghoul-keeper.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?The Boo-hamas.
What did the parent ghosts say to their kids before a road trip?Fasten your sheet belts!
When do ghosts drink coffee?In the moaning.
Why didn’t the ghost eat his candy?He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Where do ghosts buy their food?At the ghost-ery store.
What’s a ghost’s favorite play?Romeo and Ghouliet.
How do ghosts stay in shape?By exorcising.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?Sham-boo!
What’s a ghost’s favorite type of fruit?Boo-berries!
What does a ghost eat with meatballs?Spook-etti.
What do ghosts do at sleepovers?Tell scary human stories.
Where do baby ghosts spend the day when their parents are at work?Day-scare.
What day do ghosts love to do their scaring?On Fright-day.
What game do ghosts play?Hide and shriek.
How do ghosts take their eggs?Terri-fried.
What kind of street does a ghost live on?A dead end.
Which ghost is the best dancer?The Boogie Man.
Halloween Jokes About Skeletons
In my school days, we used skeletons to create a Halloween-themed room. Looking at them did scare us a bit.
But did you know that there are tons of hilarious skeleton jokes available that you can share during Halloween and make people laugh?
“How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.”
I’m still smiling reading this funny combination of skeleton and rain! If you want some more skeleton jokes, read the following.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?Sherlock Bones.
What was the skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?The trom-bone.
What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?Lazy bones.
What song do skeleton bikers ride to?Bone to be wild.
What do skeletons say as they head out to sea?Bone voyage!
How did skeletons send mail in the old days?The bony express!
What did the skeleton say to the vampire?You suck.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?Napoleon bone-apart.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?It could feel it in it’s bones.
What song do skeleton crooks listen to after a heist?Bad to the Bone.
What do skeletons order at restaurants?Spare ribs!
What was the skeleton’s favorite rock band?The Grateful Dead.
Why are skeletons so calm?Because nothing gets under their skin.
What kind of plate do skeletons eat on?Bone china.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie?He didn’t have the guts!
What type of art do skeletons like?Skulltures!
Why did the skeleton have to goto church to play music?They don’t have any organs!
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?To see the boogie man.
How do skeletons say hello? Bonejour.Bonejour.
What do old skeletons complain about?Aching bones.
What do you call a skeleton who uses a door bell?A dead ringer.
Why do skeletons hate the winter?Because the cold goes right through them.
Why didn’t the skeleton eat spicy food?He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do boney people use to get into their homes?Skeleton keys!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?No body.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?To get to the body shop.
Why do skeletons like to drink milk?Because milk is so good for the bones!
Why did the skeleton pupil stay late at school?He was boning up for his exams!
Why did the skeleton run up the tree?A dog wanted to eat it’s bones.
Why don’t skeletons like parties?Because they have no body to dance with.
Halloween Jokes About Pumpkins
Pumpkins are an integral part of Halloween. Choosing a pumpkin, carving it, and making it a Halloween Jack O’Lantern carry such a beautiful essence.
It has given rise to many funny jokes perfect for sharing with adults and kids.
Did you know “How little pumpkins cross the road? With the help of a crossing gourd.”
While some of them are silly, some of them are downright hilarious. The following are some of the best pumpkin jokes. Read on.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?Squash.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?Pulp fiction.
Why was the gourd so gossip-y?To give ’em pumpkin’ to talk about.
Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid?It had no guts.
Why was Cinderella bad at football?Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?Pumpkin Pi.
Why did the pumpkin take a detour?To avoid a seedy part of town.
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?Hollow-een.
Who helped the mini pumpkin cross the road?The crossing gourd.
What did the pumpkins say at happy hour?Let’s get smashed.
What did George Strait say to the pumpkin?I’m Here for a Gourd Time.
What did the pumpkin say to its carver?Cut it out!
What do surfers say on Halloween?Gourd vibes only, bro.
What do you call an athletic pumpkin?A jock-o-lantern.
How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?On vine-yl.
What’s the pumpkin’s favorite Western?The Gourd, The Bad, and The Ugly
What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?You look a little sick.
Where does a pumpkin preach?From the pulp-it.
Why was the jack-o’-lantern so forgetful?Because he’s empty-headed.
What do you call a group of pumpkin besties?SquashGoals
What did the queasy pumpkin say?I don’t feel so gourd.
What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?Good-pie, everyone.
Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?A candle makes them bright.
How did the jack-o’-lantern quit smoking?The pumpkin patch.
Halloween Jokes About Zombies
Halloween is about all things scary, and it is incomplete without mentioning zombies, which scared me the most as a kid.
But zombies have a funny side, too, and that is what we will explore here in this section.
“Did you hear about the zombie that lost the race? It came in dead last.”
For many such humorous zombie jokes, read on!
What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse?The living room.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?Because the jokes he told where rotten.
What do you do if you see a zombie?Hope it’s HALLOWEEN!
What does it take to become a zombie?DEADication!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?No, they eat the fingers separately…
Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?He was still Digesting all his old Facebook friends!
Why didn’t the zombie get the job?They wanted someone more lively!
What is a zombie’s favorite TV show?American Pickers!
Why did the zombie go to the hospital?He wanted to learn some real sick jokes!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedians hands?The jokes were to funny to handle!
How do zombies keep their hair in place?With SCARE spray!
How do zombies tell their future?With their HORRORscope!
Who do cowboy zombies fight?DEADskins!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?He had NO LEG to STAND ON!
How do zombies serve their country?In the Marine CORPSE!
Do zombies eat brains with their fingers?No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!
How do you know a zombie is tired?He’s dead on his feet.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo and snack called?Head and shoulders!
What did the zombie’s friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?
What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?The cold SHOULDER!
What did the zombie say to the kid?Stop hitting me in the head!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?They are wearing helmets!
How are zombies like computers?They use megaBITES!
Do zombies eat dinner with their family?No, their family was the dinner!
Who won the zombie war?Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!
Halloween Jokes About Vampires
When I was around eight to ten years old, I used to get frightened listening to the stories about vampires.
But then, when I was in high school and saw the famous Twilight movie series and The Vampire Diaries show, my views about vampires changed completely. I wished to have a vampire boyfriend!
Yes. Even now, it would be super cool to have a partner with such powers and, of course, handsomeness!
In this section, I have added some funny vampire jokes to light up your Halloween celebration. Share them with your people if you are a vampire fan, too.
How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?With a kill-o-byte.
Do you know why I broke up with my vampire girlfriend?Because she sucked the life out of me.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?At the casketeria.
How many vampires will it take to change a light bulb?None, why would they need it.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?The vampire only sucks blood at night.
Why are vampire clans so loyal?Because blood is thicker than water.
Why did the vampire go to the blood bank?He needed to make a withdrawal!
What do you call a vampire who went to the beach?Ash
Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?Too much competition.
Why don’t mosquitoes bite vampires?It’s a professional courtesy.
What did the child vampire say before going to bed?“Turn on the dark mummy, I’m scared of the light.”
Why did the vampire keep acting all batty?It was in his blood.
Why do vampires chew gum?Because they have bat breath.
What is a vampire’s favorite dessert?You scream and I scream.
What’s a vampires worst fear?Tooth decay!
What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing?Bite me!
Why are vampires bad artists?Because they always want to draw blood.
I sucked a vampire’s blood once?It was ironic.
What do you call the viking who was bitten by a vampire?Norseferatu!
What does a vampire avoid ordering at any restaurant?A steak.
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a MacBook?Love at first byte.
What’s a vampire’s least favorite song?“Another One Bites The Dust.”
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?Because she wasn’t his blood type.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?He had to grin and bare it.
What do you call a dumb vampire?A silly clot!
Halloween Jokes About Witches
I have been a huge fan of fairy tales since childhood. I have read and watched those stories and movies so many times that I have lost count.
Almost all fairy tales have a wicked witch who puts a spell on the heroine or hero. And as Halloween is all about mystery and spookiness, my list of Halloween jokes would be incomplete if I didn’t mention jokes about witches.
For example, did you know “Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.”
The following witch jokes are sure to crack you up!
What is evil, ugly and bounces?A witch on a pogo broom.
What do you get when you cross a witch’s cat with a canary?A cat with a full belly.
What happened to the naughty witch at school?She was ex-spelled.
What did the tired witch do?She sat down for a spell.
What happens to witches when it rains?They get wet just like everyone else!
How is a witch like a candle?They’re both wicked.
What’s the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?You can’t make a broomstick pie.
Why do witches wear name tags?So we can tell which witch is which!
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?A sand-witch.
What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime?Ghoul-di-locks and the Three Scares.
How do witches on broomsticks drink their hot tea?Very carefully!
How do you make a witch float?Root beer, one scoop of ice cream, and one witch.
What was the name of the witch with one leg?Eileen.
Why do witches fly on brooms?Vacuum cleaner cords are too short.
What do you call a witch’s garage?A broom closet.
What do you call a witch that wins the lottery?A wrich.
Why can’t angry witches ride their brooms?They always fly off the handle.
What do you call an anxious witch?A twitch.
Why are black cats such good singers?Because they’re so mewwwwsical.
What do witches put on their hair?Scare spray.
What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?Soon you’ll feel well enough to sit up for a spell.
What did the witch’s cat like for breakfast?Mice Crispies.
What subject do they teach at witch school?Spelling.
What makes more noise than an angry witch?Two angry witches!
Dirty Halloween Jokes for Adults
After a certain age, we all become a little dirty. Don’t you agree?
And I have dedicated this section to those people in your life who like it dirty, of course, jokes!
You can share these jokes when sitting with your favorite people, sipping a drink after dinner, preferably when you have put your kids to sleep. Because you don’t want your kids to ask you something you feel uncomfortable answering, right?
Why do skeletons enjoy sex with dainty women?They like to bone a petite.”
What’s the most popular dating app for skeletons in 2020?The Bone Zone.”
How do two skeletons have sex?By boning all night long.
How do skeletons make babies?They bone.”
Why don’t witches have babies?Their husbands have crystal balls.”
Why do the witches hate hanging out with the headless horseman?He’s obsessed with getting head.”
Why do witches wear no panties?For better grip on the broom.”
What did the vampire say to the teacher?See you next period.”
Why don’t you ever have an unexpected pregnancy when dating a vampire?Because they can’t come inside without asking for permission.”
1900: Dracula survived by drinking the blood of virgins.2019: Dracula dies of hunger.”
What’s unique about sex with vampires?They only come at night.”
What do vampires use to make tea?Tampons.”
What is a vampire’s favorite part of sex?Edraculating.”
What do Dracula’s girlfriend and a professional boxer have in common?They both go down for The Count.”
What is Dracula’s porn star name?Vlad The Impaler.”
How did the woman learn her boyfriend was a vampire?He only came at night and would insist on giving oral the same time every month.”
What happens when two vampires meet?It’s love at first bite!”
Why can’t the ghost have any children?He has a Halloweenie.”
Why are male ghosts attracted to female ghosts?Because of their boo-bies.”
Halloween Jokes for Kids
Kids enjoy the most when it’s Halloween. They have a gala time, from dressing up in their favorite spooky characters to going trick or treat with their friends in their neighborhood.
How about you double your kids’ excitement with Halloween-themed jokes curated especially for them?
And that is what this section is for. Here, you can find funny, kid-friendly Halloween jokes to make your little one’s day!
How do vampires get around on Halloween?On blood vessels.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?He was trying to get ahead in life.
The skeleton couldn’t help being afraid of the stormshe just didn’t have any guts.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What can you catch from a vampire in winter?Frostbite.
What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?Fangs-giving!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom?He had no body to go with.
Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?Any old friend he could dig up!
What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?Rice Creepies.
What’s it like being kissed by a vampire?It’s a pain in the neck.
Where do ghosts go on holidays?The Boohamas.
What sound do witches make when they eat cereal?Snap, Cackle & Pop!
What did one ghost say to the other?Get a life!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?Bootiques.
How do you know vampires love baseball?They turn into bats every night.
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?The Dead Sea!
The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him?a bonehead.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?Because a dog was after his bones!
What do skeletons fly around in?A scareplane or a skelecopter.
What did the fisherman say on Halloween?Trick or trout.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?Day-scare.
What did the bird say on Halloween?Twick or tweet.
Halloween is all about spookiness, fun, laughter, food, and celebration. Kids and adults wait for this occasion to have a spooktacular time with their loved ones.
And as you already know, no festivity is complete without laughter and merriment. Halloween jokes are a staple during this time.
I hope you like my list of hilarious jokes for Halloween. Which section of jokes cracked you up the most? Do you want me to add more jokes to this list?
Tell me in the comments!
Hi, I am Claudia, I run TheQueenMomma’s content creation team, personally focusing on topics which add joy to people’s life. You would usually see me writing on topics like Jokes, Riddles, Truth & Dare as well as Baby Names etc.
In my professional career, I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s in sociology and specialize in media and crime. Once I finished my education, I began my career working as a journalist, reporting on various topics like crime, justice and family law. Even though I valued journalism, I came to the realization that I wanted to have a more immediate impact in people’s lives as well as bring joy to them.